October 2011
37 posts
so i went to the amoride show. greyson met me outside, then when we got inside, him and i didnt even talk. he had a date. bleh. she didnt look like she was having fun at all. she wouldnt even dance with him. i hung out with britney the whole time i was there. even though we just sat next to each other and barely spoke, i had a lot of fun. this was definitely what i needed. i miss greyson. he gave...
September 2011
44 posts
story of my life.
“I feel like one of those people who are so freaking miserable that they can’t be around normal people. Like I’ll infect the happy people. Like I’m some miserable, diseased, dirty ex-mistress.”
seriously, fuck today. fuck greyson. fuck everything. i cant fucking stand this. i want out of where i am, so fucking bad. i want to beat the shit out of someone right now. seriously, today has been so fucking shitty. someone, please, shoot me now.
im so tired of feeling like this.. i just want to cry..
i feel so lost right now. ive been cleaning and watching friends trying to distract myself from thinking. i miss greyson so much. with everything thats happened, god, i miss him even more if that was possible. i keep almost calling him baby.. i told him i miss him and he said that he misses me to.. ugh. i want him back..
today i bought him a dragon pinata filled with twix, also bought him tootsie...
greyson was in the hospital today. he almost got hit by a car, while avoiding it he bruised a couple ribs, got crazy road burn, and a mild concussion.. im so worried about him, i want to go up there to take care of him to just make sure that hes okay.. i feel so helpless, i want to do something for him, but theres nothing i can do. hes giving me updates to whats going on and everything, but im so...
if you can pull off a suit with a vest, you, my friend, are doing something right. ;] so sexy.
I hate that you’re always on my mind. How I can’t go a couple minutes without playing scenarios of us in my head.
this time last year.
this past year has been so.. i cant even think of a word for it. its had amazing breath-taking moments, but its also had moments that have hurt me more than ever. this time last year, greyson and i would hang out during the day, while legitmately everyone else was in class. we would talk, go to parks, watch moves, etc. it was just us for the day basically. we would talk about how both of us felt...
im done..
Best conversation I've had with greyson in a...
Greyson: hahaha you may never know.
Me: you're not a tootsie pop. lol
Greyson: says who?
Me: me.
Greyson: you're not a reliable source. haha
Me: how am I not a reliable source??
Greyson: you just aren't.
Me: I think I'm a very reliable source.. I'm pretty sure I wouldve discovered if you were a tootsie pop when we lived together. lol
Greyson: you never found out how many licks I take!
Me: I did. ;] I was just to preoccupied to keep count.
Greyson: uh huhh.
I confronted my mom tonight. I didn’t give her time to say anything. Soon as I finished what I wanted to say, I left. It felt amazing. :]
I’m so tired. I cried so much today that I’m exhausted..
I’m getting a job. For Christmas I’m going to new York.
I’m at Michaels. They have a set up of Christmas crafts.. My heart wrenched when I pick something up.. I thought of Christmas without greyson this year. I’m on the brink of tears..
Driving when you’re tired is the same as driving drunk.
My mom needs anger management.. Seriously. I’ve been saying for years but now you can’t say shit without her biting your head off for something..
you are always on my mind. <3 :]
so, i came to the conclusion that im going to starve at school for a while and save all the money so i can get greyson something to make him smile and send it up to him in norcal. im definitely going to find a way to send him some amazing brownies. he needs a pick me up. :]
im super excited about this, but i need to chill out a bit.. i cant expect anything,...
Its my fault all your shit is on the couch and floor? Highly unlikely.
Its my fault you got yelled at about it? Again, not likely.
Its my fault your ass is red? Yeah.. Cause I smacked you for being a prissy selfish bitch.
I’m tired of her getting away with everything by throwing a fit. I don’t care if I hurt her feelings. She needs to grow the fuck up and stop acting like she...
I’m going to end up beating my little sister senseless soon. I’m so fed up with her.
God. Its weather like this that makes me miss him even more..
theres nowhere i would rather be then in your arms. <3
im really tired of my parents. especially my dad. hes such a dick. i cant wait to move out and not have to deal with him. seriously some days i just want to punch him in the face.. scream at him as loud as i can..
then with my mom, nothing i say gets through to her. she never admits when shes wrong even when evidence is piled against her.. its aggravating. especially when she lost my...
When I look at an airport I don’t see a building. I don’t see planes. I see freedom. I see an escape.
its such a turn off when people smoke weed, cigarettes, or chew..
you could be like the PERFECT guy for me, but if you smoked weed, id be beyond uninterested.
things would be so much easier if you were by my side.
I don’t believe in promises or wishes made upon the stars. Too many failed attempts to keep my head held high.
My mom wants me back on my medication.. I’m starting to fall again.. :/ I hate this..
bristol?
i was just looking at flats in bristol and they arent that bad. some are actually really cheap compared to here. they pay rent weekly, but still.. you can get a decent 1 room flat for 130 a week.. monthly that like a little over 500.. i need to think about everything. work permits, education permits, citizenship, and what not.. i think im really going to do this..
im thinking about dropping my latin and philosophy class. just taking english and precal, getting a job, saving money, taking next semester off, working full time and then getting the hell out of vegas as soon as i have enough money.. i want to talk to someone about this and the only person who i know will actually be truthful about everything is greyson.. i dont want to just randomly ask him if...
you are indescribable. the way you move, the way you speak, it’s like a long forgotten dance for the heavens.
im not depressed. i dont know what to describe what i am feeling but its not that. im looking back at things when i was truly happy. the best times of my life, missing them… i hate this feeling.
i dont stand a chance..
ive lost all hope.. i need to stop playing scenarios of us in my head.. theyre never coming true and im the one that always gets hurt..
Greyson..
you are my indescribable. the way you speak sweeps me off my feet. the way we moved was like a long forgotten dance. i miss you, like heart wrenching miss you. i miss your smile, the look you would give me when we would hug, all the funny faces you would make to cheer me up. I miss your arms holding me. I miss feeling secure. I miss the way that you would kiss me, hold me, lay with me. its be...
what a wonderful way to spend a friday night. crying over something that you lost months ago.. god. i need to get out of the house. im such a wreck.
i miss you, i miss us.
you dont care.. oh well..
whatever.
Miss me for who I am, not what I do.
Love me for my flaws, not my body.
so, tonight i went bowling with john and sarah. a couple other guys came with us, but i was mostly talking to sarah the whole time. we got into everything with greyson and i started crying.. sarahs okay.. shes wayy too gossippy..
i miss greyson sooo much. :/
i wanna go look at the stars..
i honestly just wanna lay under them and do homework. it seems so calming and relaxing, but the park that is best for that would be the one next to mine and greysons old house… literally across town.. ugh.
you make me all gittery..
i love this feeling. :]
fuck it,
i miss you.
He texted mee!! :D greyson texted me! It was a short lived conversation but I.don’t.care! I’ve made an effort to just leave him be, and this is the 2nd time he’s started a conversation with me! :D AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! :D BEYOND STOKED!
i hate it when someone you barely talked to in high school thinks that you guys need to “catch up”.. really? youve never known anything about me.. youre creepy.. lets keep it that way.. LEAVE ME ALONE!
