June 2011
22 posts
Last night..
Last night I played until my fingers bled; I studied until the sun came up; I ran until my legs gave out; I read until my eyes gave in.
All the while, the thought of you never faded.
Greyson has either awesome timing or terrible timing.. Him and I have been texting all day but I didn’t get a reply for about 30 minutes. My mom missed her turn and had to turn on to Grand Canyon. As soon as we got to Peccole Ranch (the neighborhood he lived in when we met) I started tearing up, my stomach started knotting up.. Two seconds later, he texted me..
i miss you..
He's the one.
And he’s the one you can’t get off your mind. He’s the one that keeps you up at night. He’s the one that can make you smile while your heart is breaking. The whole, no man is worth your tears and the one that is won’t make you cry sounds like a joke, but is so true. He means the world to you. You’re not sure what to do; you’re dying to see him. You miss...
I wanna fall asleep in your arms..
One Day..
I’ll be able to answer these..
What is that thing that no one, not even your partner, your mother or your best friend, knows about you?
What would make you feel embarrassed in public?
What do you think is your biggest flaw? What have you done about it?
What is your biggest strength? How did you develop it?
What do you have to put up with in your life? How long have you been tolerating...
I’m falling back into how I used to be. I can feel it. The hunger pains are starting to come back. I wake up to them.. But I push them aside and go back to sleep.. I miss Greyson like crazy.. I don’t know what to do.. He’s the last person I’ve kissed, the last person I felt complete around, the last person who’s made me smile.. I miss him so much.. :[ I’ve put...
So she puts on that fake smile that’s gotten her through all the hard times. She does her hair like she’s going to prom and she walks out like she owns the world; and no one has a clue. She’s dying inside, tearing herself apart piece by piece; but to everyone else, she is invincible.
Today.
Today’s been interesting.. My mom straight up told me that she has a strong feeling that I’m going to be admitted to the hospital soon.. FUCKING AWESOME. I feel like shit all the time lately. It’s not my moods, just physically. Walking around the house exhausts me now.. I don’t know what to do. Well, I kinda do. I have to call my doctor and get my test results back for...
Day seventeen.
I haven’t really had any highs this past year.. My biggest lows were in January, February, and May. They all deal with Greyson. He left for college in January. We were living together when he left, it made it so much harder. February is when we decided to take this break so we could be together later in life. May is when him and I broke everything off completely.. :/
I miss him so...
Day sixteen.
Mainstream music is alright. Some of the music is retarded and makes no sense but they are something to listen to when I don’t have anything else.
Day fifteen.
I don’t really follow anyone on tumblr. I want to keep everything I post private. It’s like a diary for me.. I only one person knows that I have one, and they still haven’t seen it.
Day fourteen.
The earliest memory that I had was when I was like four. I was going to California to go to the dentist.
everything.
So, the past couple of days have been.. interesting to say the least.
FRIDAY: I went to the adventure dome with my cousins and my family. It was really fun. I started blacking out on the rides though so I had to stop after I went on a couple.
SATURDAY: I went shooting with my cousins, Eric, my dad and my uncle. It was really fun. It felt amazingg. :] I love shooting 40’s, I can’t...
Challenge
Every time I see someone post that they’re in love with someone I feel that its a challenge. I wanna make them realize that I’m so much better than that girl. I don’t wanna be with them though..
Day thirdteen.
I wanna visit a lot of places. I’m not sure where I want to live yet. I’ve sorta been considering moving to Bristol, England, in a couple years, when I’m done with school and I can afford it.
Places I wanna visit:
-Ireland
-Bahamas
-England
-Italy
-Spain
-France
-Mediterranean
and a lot more places.. I just can’t think of them right now?
Day twelve.
woke up at midnight.
watched tv
passed back out
woke up
took a shower
got ready
played the ps3
picked up my sister
went to my aunts
went to the adventure dome
drove back to my aunts
passed out
woke up
came home
passed out.
Closeness.
I’ve always been a person that’s craved the feeling of being physically close to someone. Nothing sexual about it, just that closeness to another person makes me feel so.. amazing. I love just being in someone’s arms and feeling them holding me close. It’s amazing. It’s so relaxing. I miss it.. I’m kind of freaking out that I haven’t felt that closeness in...
Life.
I basically don’t care about anything anymore.. I don’t want to hurt the people I care about, but that’s really the only thing left.. I don’t want to hurt Kavosh, Greyson, or Sean. I’ve hurt Greyson, without a doubt, but I don’t want to anymore. Him and I still talk everyday.. I’ve basically just said fuck it to everything. I want to be happy. That’s...
Day eleven.
I’m a day ahead.. oh well..
1) As Time Goes By - Frank Sinatra
2) I Constantly Thank God For Estaban - PANIC! At The Disco
3) Guilty As Charged - Gym Class Heroes
4) Take Me Home Tonight - Eddie Money
5) Sill Boy - Rihanna
6) Contagious - Boys Like Girls
7) She Loves Me Not - Papa Roach
8) PYT - Michael Jackson
9) Pimpin’ - Hollywood Undead
10) Fast Forward To 2012 - A Day To...
Day ten.
I’m not quite sure who my first love was.. I thought that it was this kid Casey, but evidence is strongly saying that it wasn’t him..
My first kiss was in 8th grade with Andy Harrison. Him and I were laying on my bed cuddling in the dark and we kissed. He was my first real boyfriend.
Day nine.
I just want to be happy in the future. I hope that I have a good career, a loving husband and family, but I just want to be happy. :]
